10 Worst : Wedding Edition |
Ten things that can ruin a perfectly good wedding |
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10 |
Parental Dynamics | |
| In this modern day and age where the blended family has becomes more and more the norm, things can get logistically complicated. Between the program listings and the procession down the aisle, it can be hard to keep up with who goes with who. Furthermore, the front pew can get pretty crowded and actually spill into rows two and three. A pressure point for those family members not fully informed ahead of time of their B-5 seat location. | ||
9 |
Music | |
| Now while I have absolutely NO musical talent whatsoever, it has become painfully obvious to me that some instruments are harder to play than others. Take the trumpet for example. When have you ever heard somebody get through a whole song without hitting a sour note? It just doesn't happen. Something complicated going on must be happening between those three keys. Now don't get me wrong, when done right a trumpet is like butter, but it's just not worth the risk. (or money) Then on another note, there is what has become known as "the soloist". Who hasn't sat through a bad one of these? Whether performing an original work written especially for the ceremony, or a rehash of a song originally done by somebody with a whole lot more talent, my advice here is to make sure "the soloist" is on lock down by 9:00 pm at the latest the night before. If not, she might end up being a casualty of the... | ||
8 |
Hungover Groomsmen | |
| Pretty self explanatory. Look guys, bachelor parties are fun and all... but this ain't about you. And unless this is one of those fresh out of college "Mrs. Degree" kind of weddings, remember, you ain't as good as you used to be when it comes to the whole party scene. Just take it easy for once and let the focus be on the bride. | ||
7 |
Old Boyfriend/Girlfriend Dynamics | |
| I don't care if it was back in the 8th grade, old flames do nothing but cause tension at a wedding. And while we are on this topic, why do we continually suck all the air out of the room with that "if there is anyone who know why these two should not be joined in Holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace" thing. Leave that line for the movies there Padre. You're making everyone feel awkward. | ||
6 |
Kids | |
| This one is actually two pronged. First, lets talk about the ones in the wedding party. While the flower girl and ring bearer thing can be cute, it can also be a train wreck. Next, what is up with the recent phenomenon of bringing your kids to a ceremony? I sort of get the whole contemporary worship thing, but get a sitter folks. Nobody wants to hear your kid get up and leave in the middle of the service to go to the bathroom. That's just about as disrespectful as that stupid polyphonic ring tone you forgot to put on vibrate. | ||
5 |
Photographer | |
| Now that we are in the top 5, the items have gone from being mere annoyances to potential powder kegs. Wedding photographers are an interesting breed. They can range from "fly on the wall" to "THIS IS MY WEDDING". And while there are +'s and -'s to both as it pertains to the final product, I think we can all agree that the "THIS IS MY WEDDING" type is what earns the #5 slot on the list. Potential enemies of the "THIS IS MY WEDDING" photographer are the maid of honor, the wedding coordinator, the bride, the father of the bride, the video guy, the mother of the bride, the church operations manager, the limo driver, and pretty much anybody else standing around trying to have a good time. Watch out! In her mind this is HER wedding to make or break and NOTHING is going to stand in the way of a good photo. Now ACT NATURAL! | ||
4 |
Dueling Ministers | |
| Talk about starting off on the wrong foot. The whole "two ministers" thing is not so much about overkill as it is about the bride and groom needing to make a decision. Heck, you decided to get married... deciding as to whom is going to officiate the ceremony ought to be a layup at this point. And besides, it can be awkward to know or remember whom to look at and when to speak when you have that many people up there with microphones. My advice - get out of the way of this one guys. You've got the whole rest of your life to be the leader of the family. Let her have her small hometown minister on this one. | ||
3 |
Bridesmaid Dresses | |
| My wife has a closet full of these "once worn" things. Funny thing is, each one was chosen by a bride with "oh, with a few minor alterations, all of my bridesmaids will wear these again and again" intentions. Well, at least in my wife's case, they were right... eventually. Currently, she uses them to play dress up with my two daughters. Peach poofy sleeves are sooo going to make a comeback one day. | ||
2 |
Crying | |
| No, I am not totally emotionally dead. I understand the whole "crying at a wedding" thing. Heck, there is even some video proof out there of me crying at my own wedding, so don't accuse me of throwing stones. What I'm talking about there is excessive crying. Tearing up and getting a runny nose is one thing, but audibly whaling is another. Whether it's the bride, her mom, or some rogue grandparent who has lost his or her ability to control their own emotions, it is never pretty when someone in the room "goes funeral" on you. Just try to think about baseball or something to distract yourself from the moment. Works for me, and you can always go back and take a look at the photo album later if you miss something. | ||
#1 |
April | |
| An outdoor wedding in April. Looks great in a magazine, but seldom do things work out as planned when nuptials are held during the most volatile meteorological month of the year. Yet time after time, young couples fall for this picture perfect trap. It can be beautiful for days, but come Saturday... WHAM! I've seen it snow, I've seen wind storms topple lattice gazebo arches, I've even seen swarms of gnats attack, but I've NEVER seen a wedding in April that has gone off without a weather hitch of some sort and ended up looking like the one on the cover of BRIDE magazine. So just GO INSIDE and save us all trouble. The entire guest list thanks you. | ||
HM |
HVAC issues, Creaky Pews, Exotic Locations, Limo Drivers, Cell Phones, March, May | |
| and Christmas | ||
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