10 Worst Things to Eat if you're Starving |
No matter how hungry you are, these items are off limits |
 |
|
10 |
Bag of Twizzlers | |
| Red Twizzlers are a favorite of mine, so I'm a sucker to grab a bag at the gas station if I'm hungry. Problem is, eating a Twizzler is more than just something to eat, it is also something to do. That makes moderation especially tough and causes consumption to be guided by the size of the bag. Usually a bad decision. Furthermore, I like how right there on the bag it says "as always, a fat free food". Huh? | ||
9 |
A roll of Spree and a Diet Coke | |
| While the chemical reaction between Spree and Diet Coke is less dramatic, and media savvy, as the one between Mentos and Diet Coke, it is no less violent when placed inside an empty stomach. I'd really like a seat next to Lt. Tuck Pendleton for this one. | ||
8 |
Bourbon | |
| Even if you mix it with the dilutor of your choice, you have better have had something to eat beforehand before consuming any volume of this product. Problem is, as a "judgment inhibitor" to begin with, once you have had one on an empty stomach, you pretty much throw caution to the wind anyway. Therefore, not only are you going to feel bad on the bourbon front, you are also setting yourself up for consumption of any other number of items on this list. A combination not recommended by the USDA as a fix for hunger. | ||
7 |
Anything from the Fair | |
| I went 11 straight years without missing a Mid-South Fair. However, now that it is gone, I can pretty much count on feeling better for at least one day a year. The whole "on a stick" thing is a sham designed to convince you that you can consume pretty much anything. So while Memphis will miss having this annual urban circus of an event each fall, at least we will all feel a little better. | ||
6 |
Gummi Bears | |
| Gummi Bears are very American in that they distributed in a bag that is just slightly more than a normal person should eat in one sitting. That being said, since they go stale pretty quick you are somewhat obligated to do so else waste a good portion of your "2 for a $1" bargain. | ||
5 |
Jumbo Dog from the Airport | |
Unlike other items on the list, location is the key to this one. Even when served with mustard only, this particular food item sleeps harmlessly inside your stomach until take off. And while I am unsure as to the exact gastrointestinal physics at work inside of a pressurized cabin, I'm pretty sure it is not the ideal environment for the human body to digest a ground level terminal dog. Perhaps that's why the airlines have never offered them as "in flight food". |
||
4 |
Quart of Egg Nog | |
| Back when I was 12 and lacked access to the incredible pool of judgment I've assimilated today, I downed an entire carton of egg nog at my grandmothers house in one sitting. I have no idea why other than nothing else in the fridge looked appealing at the time. It was a very very very poor decision, and one I have yet to even remotely been tempted to duplicate. | ||
3 |
Anything from the "Office Fridge" that isn't yours | |
We've all been there. It's late at night and you are stuck at work all by yourself with nothing to eat. What's the harm... right? Well, not only is this practice rude, it is also potentially dangerous. You see, since I have my own little dorm fridge here in my office at work I seldom if ever have a need to use the "office fridge". Therefore, in the few times my late night hunger has driven me to cross the line, I've had little or no idea as to the age of the items in the "office fridge". You really are playing snack roulette with this one. |
||
2 |
Over a Pound of Pistachios | |
| This particular awful decision was made late one night as a direct result of trying to avoid another #8 episode. At the time, I had exactly zero other "immediate food options" available so for some reason this seemed like a really good idea. The result is what I like to call "The Prefect Snowball". You see, pistachios are quite salty. This leads to more #8, which leads to more pistachios, which leads to... you get the idea. | ||
#1 |
Bag of Beef Jerky | |
| Now for some reason I'm very stubborn on this one as I fall prey at least a dozen or so times a year. My moment of weakness usually takes place after missing lunch for some reason and I need a quick bite to eat. (it is important to note that I typically skip breakfast in favor of a diet coke on ice) In the interest of time, I just swing by a gas station and pick up one of those $7 dollar bags they keep by the candy and chips. While teriyaki seems to be the worst, pretty much any brand or variety is a no-no and is usually deeply regretted 3/4th of the way through the bag. | ||
HM |
Grab Bag of Cool Ranch Doritos | |
| Gumbo | ||
| Random "Office Birthday Cake" |
|
