The Death of Manhood |
Ten things responsible for the decline of men |
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10 |
Gas Station Firewood | |
| Ok, so while I get that not every man has the ability to go into the backyard and chop down a tree, I do not think that justifies the purchase of a shrink wrapped bundle of wood with a handle on it. Seriously... a handle! The purchase of gas station firewood should be reserved for girls who live in townhomes that just happen to have a fireplace and don't want to get the trunk of their Honda Accords dirty. It is NOT acceptable kindling for a man. This also goes for Duraflame Logs and those Aim-and-Flame cheater sticks. Newspaper and matches only! | ||
9 |
Ten Minute Oil Changes | |
| A man should know how to change his own oil. Even though today's cars have more "non engine" stuff crammed under the hood than ever, changing the oil is just not that hard. I'll even go as so far to say that a real man shouldn't even be allowed to check his manual to find where the filter and dipstick are. You should just "know". | ||
8 |
Ergonomics | |
| From $1,000 chairs to those wrist-thingys, ergonomics have made work too comfortable. Why do you think they call it work? If you were supposed to be comfortable they would call it something else. This goes for loafers and casual Friday's as well. So unless you work at a #9, you should wear collared shirt and tie everyday. I mean, look around. What would your granddad say about how you not only do, but approach your job? Good thing his generation beat the Nazi's and went to the moon, because we'd never make it there. Get back to work people! | ||
7 |
Pre-Fab Dog Houses | |
| This one just makes me sick. What kind of man puts his best friend in a pre-fabricated dog house? I don't care if it's better insulated than one you could make yourself... that is why dogs have fur. Which brings me to another thing. Dogs should live outside. No man should live inside with his dog. It's unnatural... for both of you. Dogs survived for millions of years without owners, let alone HVAC, so they should be able to handle life in your backyard quite nicely. | ||
6 |
Propane Grills | |
| A real hamburger should be cooked on a real grill. Real grills do not have electric starters, battery operated rotisseries, LED lights, stainless hoods, gauges or three tier burners. Yes, these things are more convenient and save time... but that is what beer is for. So relax, light some charcoal, and take your time. The family will wait. | ||
5 |
Erasermate Pens | |
| It's about commitment. When a man writes something in ink, that's it. So whether it's your signature on a contract or a simple grocery list on a sticky note, when you write it, make sure you mean it. Else, use a pencil. As a man, your name should have a certain air of history, meaning and belonging. So quit splattering it all over the place like you were using finger paints for the first time. | ||
4 |
GPS | |
| In the limited amount of time they have been readily available in the consumer market, Global Positioning Satellites, or GPS, have turned us all into a roaming pack of lost idiots. Prior to GPS, men used to have to PLAN AHEAD before embarking on a journey. Now, we all just get in the car, stomp on the gas, and figure it out as we go. Furthermore, I'm not so sure these devices always know where they are going either. So grab a map and a highlighter and figure it out... preferably the night before. That way you can answer the "are we there yet" question without having to fumble through 3 layers of menus on your Tom-Tom. | ||
3 |
The "Yellow Line" | |
Also known as the "First Down Line", the "Yellow Line" has completely ruined sports on TV. Years ago, a man would have to PAY ATTENTION while watching a game to keep up with what is going on. Now, there is so much stuff on the screen that you have to look hard just to find the game. Seriously, fighter pilots have fewer graphics to deal with than the production crew stuffed in the truck at FOX Sports. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure that the "yellow line" is causing long term damage on the next generation of men. Used to be that a woman, whether she knew she was doing it or not, would walk into a room and ask "who's winning?" as part of a breeding filter to weed out non-prospects. Now, any idiot in the room can answer that question simply by looking at the screen. It's sad. |
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2 |
Club Seating | |
| If the "Yellow Line" ruined sports on TV, Club Seating has ruined sports in person. Better bathrooms, more food choices, wider seats, video screens, HVAC, blah, blah, blah. If you are going to need all that, why not just sit on your couch at home and use the money you saved to pay a bunch of strangers to sit around and cheer with you. Furthermore, the added revenue these things have generated for team owners has done nothing but finance the pre-madonnas who now dominate the sporting scene. Sitting in the club seats is more like being stuck at the airport for a 3 lay-over than being at a game. I mean they have carpet! Seriously... carpet! How can you have carpet at a stadium? CARPET!?!?!! | ||
#1 |
Lowe's | |
| Lowe's and Home Depot have done to the home improvement industry what Microsoft Windows has done to the computer. They have made it so that nobody knows how to do, or fix, anything. Seriously, look around the next time you are inside one of these places. Everything is pre packaged to the point that all you are really doing is buying a model kit. In recent years it has become so bad that you actually have to LOOK to find the wood. That is just wrong. I remember back when you could go to the hardware store and buy a single screw. That's right... one screw. Not a plastic bag of 6 screws, 4 nuts and instructions. A screw. Furthermore, I distinctly remember having to stick close to my dad as so to avoid being run over by one of those forklifts. Which brings me to another point, since when did everything need a backup beepers? Why not just require people to PAY ATTENTION as they walk the aisles rather than text one another on the phone. GIVE ME BACK MY HARDWARE STORE! | ||
HM |
Fantasy Football : This, along with Fantasy Baseball, has changed how sports is reported. | |
| Lite Beer : The argument of "I can drink more of it if it's light" is bogus. Man up Nancy. | ||
| Ground Turkey : While I'm a consumer, men should only eat meat that moos. | ||
| Back Up Cameras : A man should be able to master his own vehicle without visual crutches. |
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