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| 10 Gloria Vanderbilt Swan |
| Probably the most 80'esq critter on the entire list, the Swan just screamed "I'm better than you because I can afford to be". Found only on women, its wearers usually more resembled those mean white pond geese with the orange bump on their nose. You know, the ones that would come screaming at you, wings flapping with full intent of taking your entire bag of bread away. Pretty ironic. |
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| 9 American Eagle |
| As sort of the "behind-the-curve lame 90's shirt critter" of the bunch, the American Eagle never really caught on. Furthermore, after a few washings, the Eagle tended to scrunch up and lose its shape to the point where he was unidentifiable. A direct result of the crummy shirt he was usually sewn onto. RIP. Next time leave the eagles designing to third rate state universities in Mississippi. |
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| 8 Brooks Brothers "Golden Fleece" |
| While still available today, I have never actually owned one of these expensive critters. To me, it just wasn't justifiable to pay that much for a logo when you're talking about knit shirts. What's the point? I've never been accused of being cheap, but on some things it's ok to save a little. Tube socks, undershirts, mouthwash, dental floss, kleenex, toilet paper, memory sticks, gas and knit shirts... there is no need to pay for the excessive quality. All of it comes from China anyway. |
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| 7 Greg Norman Shark |
| This one should have been a layup, but just like the 6 stroke leads its namesake found ways to choke up on Sundays, the Greg Norman Shark falls short. Seriously, how could you mess this one up? You have a likeable golfer with an aggressive style nicknamed "the shark", and you come up with this? It looks like something you would see at a a bad Tex-Mex restaurant chain. And while the logo itself is pretty cool, the use of neon is just awful. FAIL! |
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| 6 Ralph Lauren Polo |
| While the longevity of Ralph Lauren’s Polo pony rider is impressive, it's dorks like the one on the left (this one chose to tattoo the logo on his chest) that back him into 6th place. Furthermore, much like the American Eagle, the Polo pony guy never quite held his shape. After being laundered a few times, he began to look sort of sad and a defeated. One bright spot however... did anybody else ever own one of those Gumby/Pokey knock off's? Those were money. |
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| 5 J.C. Penny Fox |
| The story of the Fox is one of my favorites when it comes to shirt critters conversation. Already dying on the vine, J.C. Penny was getting pretty desperate back in the early 80's when, in an attempt to keep up with the competition, it birthed the Fox. And while he looked pretty sharp when paired up with a new pair of Toughskins and velcro Zips, the Fox had an image problem that proved difficult to overcome in the long run. Farewell. |
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| 4 Vineyard Vines Whale |
| I would have loved to have been in the board room when this idea was pitched. "Ok, I've got this idea... what we are going to do is put a WHALE on all our female apparel." Somebody get this guy a job selling ketchup popsicle to Eskimos or something. After all, if you can convince a company like Vineyard Vines to put a replica of a large mammal known best for its excessive amounts of blubber on its shirts, you can sell ANYTHING! I want you on my team sir. RV dot com salutes you. |
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| 3 Munsingwear Penguin |
| Now this guy is so old that I only have vague memories of my dad and grandad wearing Penguin gear. But despite it's near 30 year hiatus, the Penguin is back and suddenly en vogue once again. And while I have no doubt that the recent parade of computer animated movies featuring loveable penguins as entertaining fellows has helped, I am still surprised at the hip staying power of the Penguin. |
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| 2 Le Tigre |
| While Le Tigre may be all the rage now, back in the day that ferocious colored thread tiger was significantly less cool than his arch nemesis (see number 1 below). Much of this can be blamed on a lack of corporate control as the Le Tigre could be found in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. Furthermore, he could be spotted leaping at a variety of different angles, a function of poor production consistency. Still, he is pretty cool looking by today's standards so he gets the #2 slot. |
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| 1 Lacoste Izod Alligator |
| Hands down, the Izod Alligator is the top shirt critter of all time. Having never changed color, shape or direction, the Alligator has remained definitely individual yet consistently in style. A difficult sustainable combination. And as an avid Discovery Channel watcher, I'm pretty sure that he could EAT any of the nine other critters on the list. |
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